To Jacksonville, With Love

I recently posted this on Instagram on my last morning in Jacksonville and felt it deserved some space on the blog and a little more love.

I went out for a sunrise run this morning and realized how different I am since the last time I set out to run this same beach 5 years ago. I've talked a little about it on the blog before, but I was in a bad place when I was in college, mentally and physically. One thing that I would do, on the rare occasion that I was willing to do the work to try and help myself, was I'd hop in my car, drive to this beach, throw on some shoes and have my best attempt at a run. Today's run ended up being a long, slow 2 miles. 2 miles of stopping to just stare at the water, admire the colors in the sky, say hi to the pups on their sunday morning play date and to collect a few shells. I felt so proud and so full though. I felt like it was a full circle moment. It was a moment for me to see how far I've come. I saw how my relationship with running has changed but more importantly I've seen how my relationship with my own head has changed, how my relationship with being alone has changed, how the beach and the water continue to be a constant need in my life. Most importantly, I saw how I've grown into a person I'm so incredibly proud of since the last time I ran across this sand. JAX, thank you for always welcoming me back with open arms. You hold such a special place in my heart 💙

52 Likes, 9 Comments - Madisyn Jensen🌞JustStayStoked (@juststaystoked) on Instagram: "I went out for a sunrise run this morning and realized how different I am since the last time I set..."

I've been back to Jacksonville many times since dropping out of school, but this is the first time I felt emotional towards the city. It wasn't a bad emotional though. To my surprise I was emotional because of the lack of negativity I have towards the space. I could very well have vowed to never return to this place that is filled so much with memories of loneliness, home sickness, struggle, injury, darkness and unhealthy coping. Instead, I continue to return and make new positive memories here. On my most recent trip to Jax I wrote this in my journal:

“I think that this city made me feel so uncomfortable and hurt as an attempt to help me redirect my course. This was not my time or place on 2014/2015, but it did help me learn to make hard choices, get real with myself and redirect my course. Jax boldly taught me what I didn’t want so that I could move forward searching for what I did want. In that process I found a me I’m so incredibly proud to be.”

Sunrise Run at Jacksonville Beach in Jacksonville, Florida

I don’t regret my time at school in Jacksonville, but I do sometimes look back and think of what I would do differently. I have to remind myself though that the things I know I would do differently I only know from living my past in the way I did. I would do things differently now, because I have grown as a person and that I would never change.

Jacksonville, thank you so much for being the backdrop to such an important time in my life and thank you for always welcoming me back with open arms and dolphin sightings.

More Jacksonville, here!