Women Who Travel
Visiting Amsterdam, one of my absolute favorite cities, in April 2019
Today’s post is one that I found buried in my drafts from earlier this year. I had put it together while reading the book Vagabonding: An Uncommon Guide to the Art of Long-Term World Travel by Rolf Potts (and I’m going to be honest, I’ve started reading the book two separate times, but have yet to get myself to finish it for some reason). I was getting ready to finish and put out this post right as everything started to shut down because of the pandemic and I just felt unmotivated to post this because it felt unimportant at the time. When I stumbled upon this in my neglected drafts, I felt the same unease that I felt when I started to write it which, to me, felt like a sign that it was time to finish the post and share it. The majority of this was written late February/ early March, but it was finished off just this week.
While reading Vagabonding: An Uncommon Guide to the Art of Long-Term World Travel by Rolf Potts, I came to a part talking about safety for women who are traveling and it had a part specifically about dealing with men. While I know the intention is just to provide tips to keep safe, it left me a little uneasy feeling.
Why? I'm not 100% sure, but I have an idea.
Maybe it's because I read this just after International Women's day.
Maybe it's because I hate the fact that a women has to be exceptionally cautious and take extra precautions compared to a man (this isn’t just reserved to a woman traveling.)
Maybe it's because some of the tips in this section had no need to be gender specific- be aware of your surroundings, don't walk alone at night, act confident even when you don't feel it as to avoid looking vulnerable. If you ask me these are fairly standard travel tips for anyone to follow.
Maybe it's because the book mentioned a great way to get guys to leave you alone is to say your big buff boyfriend is on their way back to you.
Maybe it’s that the book states in black and white- you will get harassed.
Maybe it made me uneasy because I hate that this is a reality.
It is a reality that sometimes the only way to get the guy at a bar, while traveling or at home, to finally leave you alone is to mention you have a boyfriend. Sometimes even that isn’t enough though, because it’s a reality that turning down a drink or an unwanted advance has put women in harms way. It's a reality that when I set off to go backpacking with 2 guy friends I was sent off with "have fun, be safe" while they were sent off with "have fun, take care of her."
Trust me, I fully understand that there are different societal norms abroad and that certain cultures place different value and expectations on women, but reading this portion of my book felt like a reiteration of the things that women are told and taught here in the United States.
I hate that a women is presumed to be safer when she is with a man.
I hate that being polite is leading on a man while being firm in saying no makes for an entitled bitch.
I hate that we teach women to be exceptionally cautious. We are taught to not put ourselves in situations that could lead to harm. Don’t drink too much. Don’t set your drink down. Be nice, don’t be rude, but not too nice, that can be misleading. Watch what you wear.
It’s not our jobs as females to play the role of victim based on caution. It’s not our jobs to live our lives overtly cautious of how we maybe enticing a man, with intention or without.
It’s the job of all of us, not just women, to keep ourselves from danger. More than that it’s on all of us to be sure to be responsible for ourselves and keep ourselves from situations that may result in harm to others.
Frankly, shouldn’t the focus always be on teaching respect for others and encouraging no harm?
I think so.
I think so, as a girl who travels solo.
I think so, as a girl who was 16 and had her hand grabbed and kissed by an older man while I was at work.
I think so, as a girl who tends to give the benefit of the doubt, believes that people are inherently good and who could probably be considered naive- I shouldn’t have to worry that those qualities will put me in harms way.